Fear of Heights

Over the past few weeks, our family has spent an unusual amount of time rappelling.  We have gone with friends and family nearby several times, as well as traveling to Southern Utah to hike and rappel in the slot canyons there.  Most recently, we went with our friends, the Porter's, to a popular rappelling spot that offers an 80' cliff, in beautiful American Fork canyon.  From my participation in these trips, it would be reasonable, perhaps, to assume that this in an activity that I enjoy.

The truth is, going to those heights is quite frightening, even terrifying to me.  In fact, when I first arrived at the top of the cliff last Monday, having arrived later than the others participating, I was literally shaking.  Now, this was partly due to the fact that when I came out at the end of the trail at the top of the cliff, I found Makenzie and her friend flopped on the ground at the edge of the cliff waiting, not to patiently, for their turn.  Of course, I immediately freaked out and made them move to a seat safely well back from the edge.

At that point, Dave asked if I could take over attaching the belay lines, as he needed to go and tend to some other things.  Considering I was already shaking, well back from the edge, I wasn't exactly excited about moving to the edge OR being responsible for bringing the others, adults and children alike to the edge and fitting them with the ropes.  However, since the only other option was that everyone attach their own ropes, I took over.

The first step for me, was to anchor my self to the cliff with the webbing and carabiner that Dave had set up.  This first step helped to calm my fears that I, at least, was not going to fall!  At that point, I carefully attached each person, some so excited to be on their way.  Others, much more frightened than I , would clearly have preferred to avoid the experiences altogether.  Some ultimately chose to NOT go down.  For each person, whatever their attitude, my job was to attach and check and double check the safety ropes, provide instruction and encouragement, and to ensure there was someone at the other end of the rope as a safety.

Reflecting on this experience in light of some other experiences recently, I have been able to see some parallels to life and especially to being a mother.  Sometimes I arrive to see my children at the top of a cliff.  Sometimes, I don't want to do the job that is being thrust on me.  Sometimes, I see my children eager to jump into a daunting challenge, some go reluctantly, and sometimes they refuse to take up the challenge at all.

Regardless, the place I need to be is at the top of that cliff.  Although daunting, I know that I can anchor myself firmly into the Rock.  I can then project confidence to those who pass through my hands.  I  can instruct, guide and encourage them.  Finally I can pray that there will always be someone on the other end bring them to safety after they pass out of my hands.

The key to overcoming the fear is trusting the anchor.