Fear of Heights

Over the past few weeks, our family has spent an unusual amount of time rappelling.  We have gone with friends and family nearby several times, as well as traveling to Southern Utah to hike and rappel in the slot canyons there.  Most recently, we went with our friends, the Porter's, to a popular rappelling spot that offers an 80' cliff, in beautiful American Fork canyon.  From my participation in these trips, it would be reasonable, perhaps, to assume that this in an activity that I enjoy.

The truth is, going to those heights is quite frightening, even terrifying to me.  In fact, when I first arrived at the top of the cliff last Monday, having arrived later than the others participating, I was literally shaking.  Now, this was partly due to the fact that when I came out at the end of the trail at the top of the cliff, I found Makenzie and her friend flopped on the ground at the edge of the cliff waiting, not to patiently, for their turn.  Of course, I immediately freaked out and made them move to a seat safely well back from the edge.

At that point, Dave asked if I could take over attaching the belay lines, as he needed to go and tend to some other things.  Considering I was already shaking, well back from the edge, I wasn't exactly excited about moving to the edge OR being responsible for bringing the others, adults and children alike to the edge and fitting them with the ropes.  However, since the only other option was that everyone attach their own ropes, I took over.

The first step for me, was to anchor my self to the cliff with the webbing and carabiner that Dave had set up.  This first step helped to calm my fears that I, at least, was not going to fall!  At that point, I carefully attached each person, some so excited to be on their way.  Others, much more frightened than I , would clearly have preferred to avoid the experiences altogether.  Some ultimately chose to NOT go down.  For each person, whatever their attitude, my job was to attach and check and double check the safety ropes, provide instruction and encouragement, and to ensure there was someone at the other end of the rope as a safety.

Reflecting on this experience in light of some other experiences recently, I have been able to see some parallels to life and especially to being a mother.  Sometimes I arrive to see my children at the top of a cliff.  Sometimes, I don't want to do the job that is being thrust on me.  Sometimes, I see my children eager to jump into a daunting challenge, some go reluctantly, and sometimes they refuse to take up the challenge at all.

Regardless, the place I need to be is at the top of that cliff.  Although daunting, I know that I can anchor myself firmly into the Rock.  I can then project confidence to those who pass through my hands.  I  can instruct, guide and encourage them.  Finally I can pray that there will always be someone on the other end bring them to safety after they pass out of my hands.

The key to overcoming the fear is trusting the anchor.

Guide and Anchor

Recently, I have felt that, as a parent, I should be more open in sharing my spiritual insights with my children.  These are some thoughts I shared with them after our recent trip to Zion.

Before leaving on our trip to Zion National Park, I was not at all excited about going.  In fact, I was very nervous and even somewhat grouchy.  You could say I was murmuring.  After all, people regularly get lost out in the desert.  They get hurt.  All too often, they even die.  Let's not go into the issue of why I had sent my 14 year old  down for an even longer period, without a care.  He's a teenager, this is ME.  I'd thought about what routes I wanted to do, and fortunately, those are the ones we ended up doing.  

Still, I was nervous as we set out that first day.  "What if....?" was running through my mind.  However, within just minutes of starting out, I realized two crucial things.  First, our leaders, Dave and Dave Allison, knew where they were going.  They had been there before, and they knew the way.  We were not going to get lost.  Second, I learned that after our leaders had set up the ropes and anchored them into the rock, we were not going to fall.  Now, we could still get some bumps if we were careless, but we were not going to fall.  Realizing these things allowed me to relax and have fun for the rest of the trip.  

Similarly, in our lives, we are blessed to have leaders who know the way.  This could be our local leaders, but specifically, I am referring to the Prophet and Apostles of the Church, who are in turn led directly by Jesus Christ.  They know they way.  Christ has been there before.  They will never get lost or lead us astray.  In addition, we have a sure anchor.  The anchor, of course, if Christ himself, and the way we attach ourselves to Him is through prayer, pondering the scriptures and following the commandments.  If we do these things, we will not fall.  We will have trials and problems, but we will not fall.  When we realize the safety of these to things, the guide and the anchor, we can be assured we will avoid so many of life's difficulties, and we can relax and enjoy our time here.

There is a critical distinction to make, however.  Once we entered the slot canyon, there was no way out except at the end, the destination.  Once you commit to the canyon, you are literally forced to continue on that path to the end.  That is not the case with life--there are many exits and side paths on the path.  That makes it all the more critical to follow the guide, always.

Bravo to the Children

Tonight Makenzie and Carson had a piano recital and graduated from Let's Play Music, a three year program.  The program really digs in and teaches music theory, so they songs that they performed were their own personal compositions.  I'm so proud of them; they did a great job.  McKay also started the program with them, but this year I have had so much trouble getting him to practice and participate, that I finally decided to just focus on getting the other two more self-sufficient on the piano.  At the same time, I wanted McKay to see that I was "taking him out of piano" rather than him "getting away with not doing it".  Then, hopefully, I'll have more credibility next year when I focus on him doing his piano.  The bonus of the kids doing this program is that it has made Keaton, while not excited about playing the piano, at least willing to start taking lessons again and have a better attitude about it.  It is too bad he didn't work at it all these years, because he really has a good ear for piano, and learns it quickly.

We went out to the club to celebrate afterwards, which was good for me, because I did a yard sale this morning, then the dentist for the kids, so I wasn't on the ball for dinner.  Okay, yard sales are two thumbs down!  I only made $80 for all that effort.  Not doing it anymore.  I had a ton of stuff, too, because one of my big goals is to cut down on our belongings.  A great thing about doing a yard sale on Friday is that my kids were in school.  Otherwise, they are crying about what I'm getting rid of, or trying to buy everyone else's stuff, and I come home with more than I left with.  As it was, we still bought 3 stuffed animals, waffle iron, 3 brooms, and a coffee table.

It has been a long day!

What I'm reading

I've just finished reading a great book, Born To Run.  It is a book about many things, including running form, ultra running (100 mile races), native populations that run as a lifestyle, the tarahumara indians of Mexico, the evolution of running shoes to the point where they are actually causing injury, barefoot running, interesting characters, veganism, proper running form to prevent injury, and having fun running vs viewing it as a chore.  It has definitely helped me be a better and happier runner.  I had the chance to meet the author at a book signing/lecture on Monday night, and really enjoyed that.

I bought some Vibram fivefinger shoes, and I really do not enjoy running in them, but maybe on grass?  and after I have built up the correct muscles for it?

I am also now reading Les Miserables.  In leu, I guess of spending $1350 to take the family to the musical :(.  It is a slow read, no getting around that, but interesting.  Whenever I read, I tend to branch it out, and research the topics I might come across that I am not as familiar with as I'd like to be.  So, I'm looking a bit into the French Revolution, and all the changes in government that followed.  It's a very interesting time in history.  My brother introduced me to the Khan Academy, which is a series of online lectures and games, free, to teach mainly math.  The math is from the very basics to calculus and statistics.  They have 2100 videos in all.  They have small history sections also, including a short series on the French Revolution.  So, I've been watching those.  It really isn't the same period as is covered in Les Miserables, as the French Revolution is 1789 and Les Miserables is 30-40 years later, but interesting anyway.  Question:  after all the blood of the Reign of Terror, when did France really become a stable democracy?  Answers differ, but not until sometime between 1870 and 1958, depending on how you define democracy!  So, how blessed is America to have enjoyed our freedom for as long as we have!

More To This Life

Today I went for a run, and this song, by Stephen Curtis Chapman, has stayed on my mind:


Today I watched in silence as people passed me by
And I strained to see if there was something hidden in their eyes
But they all looked at me as if to say
Life just goes on

The old familiar story told in different ways
Make the most of your own journey from the cradle to the grave
Dream your dreams tomorrow because today
Life must go on

But there's more to this life living than dying
More than just trying to make it through the day
More to this life, more than these eyes alone can see
And there's more than this life alone can be

Tonight he lies in silence staring into space
And looks for ways to make tomorrow better than today
But in the morning light it looks the same
Life just goes on

He takes care of his family, he takes care of his work
And every Sunday morning he takes his place at the church
Somehow he still feels a need to search
Life just goes on

But there's more to this life living than dying,
More than just trying to make it through the day
More to this life, more than these eyes alone can see
And there's more than this life alone can be.

So where do we start to find every part
Of what makes this life complete
If we turn our eyes to Jesus we?ll find
Life's true beginning is there at the cross where He died

He died to bring us more to this life living than dying
More than just trying to make it through the day
More to this life, more than these eyes alone can see

And there's more than this life living than dying
More than just trying to make it through the day
More to this life, more than these eyes alone can see


It's kind of a melancholy mood I'm in, thinking about how each day tends to be just a repeat of the same routine, the same issues and the same struggles.  I guess the challenge is to find joy in the struggles, and in each of the small pearls that come along as well.  


But, in addition, the question remains, "what can I do to make my life more meaningful?"  One of the classes that I went to down at Women's Conference was about serving in our communities.  It was inspiring to see all the things that people are doing and can do to make a difference in our communities.  Things that I could be doing, if I would just break out of my daily routine.  I'll let you know if I come up with anything great to get involved in.  


Oh, I've got to tell you this story.  At Christmas time, one of my friends told me that there was a humanitarian center at the local DI.  Not only can you go there to make hygiene kits and so on, but you can get fabric and other items there to make quilts to donate.  I was very excited about that, and decided to get some fabric and have my family tie a quilt at our Christmas party.  So, I told my mom what I was doing, then called the DI.  They said the humanitarian center was only open on certain days, and I couldn't get the fabric before the party.  So I called my mom back, and she said she had some extra fabric she'd bring.  I didn't have any batting, so she said she'd bring that, too.  I called to borrow our ward's quilt frame, only to find that it was a PVC type that I didn't know how to use.  So, I called my mom back, she said she'd bring her quilt frame, the yarn and the needles.  We set up the quilt, and since my brother Spencer is an amazing quilter, we tied that entire quilt in 10 minutes.  Then my mom said she'd take it and bind it and find somewhere to donate it.  Wow, what an amazing service project I did.  LOL.


  

Hair Decisions, Hair Decisions

Okay, so I'm thinking about cutting my hair, and maybe getting lighter highlights. So, give me your votes yes or no, and also if you've ever gone from long to shorter, did you regret it? My hair grows very slowly, so I don't want to mess up. What say you?

Women's Conference

Ouch. Instead of going to bed tonight, McKay came downstairs and raided the fridge. He broke a jar of syrup on the floor, and I wasn't too happy about having more mess to clean up. I was very surprised that he ran right away to get a towel and start cleaning it up. I started sweeping, and before you know it I had a big chunk of glass sticking out of the bottom of my foot. McKay ran and got a wet towel, dry towel and bandaid (complete with salve) and fixed me up. Before he got back, there was about a 3" puddle of blood on the floor, though. Then my friend called, and while I was sitting on the counter talking to her, the blood soaked through the bandaid and dripped all over the floor again. It was like I was bleeding to death or something. It's stopped now, finally. haha

Last week was a lot of fun. I took off Thursday and Friday to go to a Women's Conference down at BYU. Wow, I'd never done that before, and wow, a lot of women go. There were so many great topics that it was hard to choose which classes to go to. My favorite was one on how to prepare your children to go on a mission, and to handle the MTC, too. Wow, very discouraging to hear about all the problems and different reasons kids are going home now days. Anxiety, depression, not being able (willing??) to handle hard work, and so on. Well, I can say at least Keaton can cook and talk to adults, even if he can't handle being away from mom. :) At least we know what we need to work on, right?

I told Dave that my least favorite subject right now is Relief Society. Do you think every VT message for the whole year will be on Relief Society? They all seem the same to me. So, several of the classes at BYU were on Relief Society, which I carefully avoided. Then Julie Beck gave her address, and what do you think it was on? Yes, Relief Society! She talked for well over and hour, and it was actually a great talk. She implied that during Christ's famous visit to Mary and Martha, he could well have been setting up an ancient Relief Society! There you have the two roles of Relief Society: Service and Spiritual learning. Fun idea anyway.

I'm happy to say that I seem to have adapted to my new running style and shoes, and my sore calves are feeling great. I ran 6 miles on Saturday, and part of it was pretty fast (and part not). I'm very excited--and this is why I was bleeding to death on the phone with my friend tonight. I recently read this book called "Born to Run" which, among other things, promotes a new way of running with minimal "zero drop" shoes or barefoot. Anyway, the author is coming to a running store in Orem tomorrow to do a running clinic, shoe discussion, and talk about the book. I signed myself and my friend up to go, and we were just discussing the details, such as whether we were too much of running rookies to go run with the author. Anyway, it is going to be so much fun!!! Even if we do miss Family Home Evening!!!

Okay, Heidi, I got a clean eating book, and I was wondering if eating this way might help my kids to settle down. They have been so rowdy lately they are going to drive me to drink. Or something. But, eating clean is so difficult while living in the world. I was discussing this with my friend tonight. She is interested in looking into a very simple, vegan diet, because it was discussed in the book as something many long distance runners eventually assimilate. I just want to cut out the junk and eat nutritiously. But, then someone asks you to come over for lunch, or you go out to dinner with friends, or your kids are ALWAYS getting junk at school, from teachers and friends. It is very difficult to eat a healthy diet in today's America. As far as keeping the kids diet sugar free--well. We have some friends who are kind of pioneerish. There kids have never been to a movie, have no spending money, and they never have sugar at home. So, when they go to their friends homes, they literally empty the candy bowl into their pockets. My friend told me that she has seen the son actually loading donuts from Young Men's activities into his backpack. haha. No wonder my ice cream is always gone. haha. Yes, it is hard to control a diet enough to see if it makes a difference in behavior.

Like I said, I've been running a lot more, even though the weather hasn't been cooperating. I hate the treadmill, but I have even run on it a few times while watching a movie. Then I sit down and finish the movie. :) Remember Serendipity and You've Got Mail? Great movies. So, now I have to look at my race schedule and see what I really want to do. Goldie, guess what? My friend and I have decided to come up and do the TOU 1/2 with you. Yeah, that will be so fun. I decided to not do the Hobblecreek, because I won't have much time to run this summer, and I'd be mad if I got a slower time on it. So, we're going to do the Logan 1/2 and then full later on! :)

I have a bunch of pictures from Spring Break I want to post, but I can't find the cord so I'm still waiting....